I’m Allergic To Scales. They Make Me Break Out In Low Self-Esteem.

It’s That Time of Year Once Again!
(I’m not referring to Autumn.)
Time For My Biometric Screening!
Which of course means Blood Tests, Blood Pressure, BMI Analysis, and the Utterly Horrific “Getting On The Scale For the First Time in a Year”.
Okay so I *did* tell the Screening Broad that I have at least Five Pounds of Product in My Hair and to take that into account…
Plus Gravity has gotten stronger due to the Space Dust Thing…
But she made me get on the Digital Scale anyway.
Which immediately read, “Yo! Two of Y’all Are Gonna Have To Get Off!”
Gravity Is Not My Friend.

So Evidently I’m the Perfect Weight for my Height, Bone Structure, BMI, and Age.
*If* I Were a 1964 Volkswagen.Missez Premise Wagen


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