Governor Chris “Krispy Kreme” Christie has Declared a State of Emergency in New Jersey:
Due to Winter Storm “Juno”‘s Imminent Blizzard Conditions, the Entenmann’s Trucks will be Unable to Deliver to the Governor’s Mansion as Scheduled.
Upon Discovering That the Driveway to His Favorite Dunkin’ Donuts is Plowed In and His Beloved Pizza Hut is Closed,
The Fat Bastard (oops I mean Governor) Announced:
“I encourage all New Jerseyans to use Every Caution as they travel today and to remain off the roads whenever possible so that our first responders and public safety officials can safely respond to these Emergency Situations, assuring that Stockpiles of Donuts and Pizza are Delivered to the Governor’s Mansion in a Timely Fashion. ”
He then added, “Get the HELL away from that Domino’s Car!!! That’s MINE!”
::Please Make A Note Of It::