All posts by Missez Premise

About Missez Premise

I've been A Friend of Bill's since November 22, 1990. Been working in a busy ER for the past 10 years, although I've had other lives before that. What Am I? Guitarist, Songwriter, Comedian (Don't Worry, I'm Not Quitting My *Day Job*...), Shortstop, Pinch Hitter, Comic Relief · Montclair, New Jersey · June 1991 to present, CrabbyMom Productions: Crabby Mom, Producer, Costume Designer, Garden Designer, Editor · Montclair, New Jersey · Sep 8, 1994 to present. "Oh, what a small world! You know, I wonder who else I know knows someone I know that I don't know knows that person I know."

To All Those Who “Suffered” For The Past Eight Years

I hope everyone takes the time to read this.
Thank You Barry Silverman.
Reposted from a friend of mine:

A Drumpf supporting Facebook friend told Scott Mednick, “We suffered for eight years. Now it’s your turn.”

Scott wrote a brilliant response asking how exactly his friend had suffered under Obama:

“I am surprised you would wish suffering upon me. That of course is your right, I suppose. I do not wish harm on anyone. Your statement seems to continue the ‘US v THEM’ mentality. The election is over. It is important to get past campaigning and campaign rhetoric and get down to what is uniting, not dividing and what is best for ALL Americans.

There will never be a President who does everything to everyone’s liking. There are things President Obama (and President Clinton) did that I do not like and conversely there are things I can point to that the Presidents Bush did that I agree with. So I am not 100% in lock step with the outgoing President but have supported him and the overall job he did.
And, if you recall, during the Presidential Campaign back in 2008 the campaign was halted because of the “historic crisis in our financial system.” Wall Street bailout negotiations intervened in the election process. The very sobering reality was that there likely could be a Depression and the world financial markets could collapse. The United States was losing 800,000 jobs a month and was poised to lose at least 10 million jobs the first year once the new President took office. We were in an economic free-fall. So let us recall that ALL of America was suffering terribly at the beginning of
Obama’s Presidency.

But I wanted to look back over the last 8 years and ask you a few questions. Since much of the rhetoric before Obama was elected was that he would impose Sharia Law, Take Away Your Guns, Create Death Panels, Destroy the Economy, Impose Socialism and, since you will agree that NONE of this came to pass, I was wondering:

Why have you suffered so?

So let me ask:
Gays and Lesbians can now marry and enjoy the benefits they had been deprived of. Has this caused your suffering?

When Obama took office, the Dow was 6,626. Now it is 19,875. Has this caused your suffering?

We had 82 straight months of private sector job growth – the longest streak in the history of the United States. Has this caused your suffering?

Especially considering where he the economy was when he took over, an amazing 11.3 million new jobs were created under President Obama (far more than President Bush). Has this caused
your suffering?

Obama has taken Unemployment from 10% down to 4.7%. Has this caused your suffering?

Homelessness among US Veterans has dropped by half. Has this caused your suffering?

Obama shut down the US secret overseas prisons. Has this caused your suffering?

President Obama has created a policy for the families of fallen soldiers to have their travel paid for to be there when remains are flown home. Has this caused your suffering?

We landed a rover on Mars. Has this caused your suffering?

He passed the Matthew Shepard Hate Crimes Prevention Act. Has this caused your suffering?

Uninsured adults has decreased to below 10%: 90% of adults are insured – an increase of 20 Million Adults. Has this caused your suffering?

People are now covered for pre-existing conditions. Has this caused your suffering?

Insurance Premiums increased an average of $4,677 from 2002-2008, an increase of 58% under Bush. The growth of these insurance premiums has gone up $4,145 – a slower rate of increase. Has this caused your suffering?

Obama added Billions of dollars to mental health care for our Veterans. Has this caused your suffering?

Consumer confidence has gone from 37.7 to 98.1 during Obama’s tenure. Has this caused your suffering?

He passed the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act. Has this caused your suffering?

His bi-annual Nuclear Summit convinced 16 countries to give up and destroy all their loose nuclear material so it could not be stolen. Has this caused your suffering?

He saved the US Auto industry. American cars sold at the beginning of his term were 10.4M and upon his exit 17.5M. Has this caused your suffering?

The deficit as a percentage of the GDP has gone from 9.8% to 3.2%. Has this caused your suffering?

The deficit itself was cut by $800 Billion Dollars. Has this caused your suffering?

Obama preserved the middle class tax cuts. Has this caused your suffering?

Obama banned solitary confinement for juveniles in federal prisons. Has this caused your suffering?

He signed Credit Card reform so that rates could not be raised without you being notified. Has this caused your suffering?

He outlawed Government contractors from discriminating against LGBT persons. Has this caused your suffering?

He doubled Pell Grants. Has this caused your suffering?

Abortion is down. Has this caused your suffering?

Violent crime is down. Has this caused your suffering?

He overturned the scientific ban on stem cell research. Has this caused your suffering?

He protected Net Neutrality. Has this caused your suffering?

Obamacare has extended the life of the Medicare insurance trust fund (will be solvent until 2030). Has this caused your suffering?

President Obama repealed Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. Has this caused your suffering?

He banned torture. Has this caused your suffering?

He negotiated with Syria to give up its chemical weapons and they were destroyed. Has this caused your suffering?

Solar and Wind Power are at an all time high. Has this caused your suffering?

High School Graduation rates hit 83% – an all time high. Has this caused your suffering?

Corporate profits are up by 144%. Has this caused your suffering?

He normalized relations with Cuba. Has this caused your suffering?

Reliance on foreign oil is at a 40 year low. Has this caused your suffering?

US Exports are up 28%. Has this caused your suffering?

He appointed the most diverse cabinet ever. Has this caused your suffering?

He reduced the number of troops in both Iraq and Afghanistan. Has this caused your suffering?

Yes, he killed Osama Bin Laden and retrieved all the documents in his possession for analysis. Perhaps THIS caused your suffering?

From an objective standpoint it would appear that the last eight years have seen some great progress and we were saved from a financial collapse. Things are not perfect. Things can always be better. We are on much better footing now than we were in 2008.

I look forward to understanding what caused you to suffer so much under Obama these last eight years.”
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Dear Mr. President

Out Of The Mouths Of Babes…

Buggy & Ducky On The Road

Dear President Obama,

My name is Declan West. I am 11 years old and live and travel around the U.S. in a 17 foot van with my mom & my poodle Princess.

Last week I went to a campsite with no phone or internet reception. When my mom and I left we turned on the radio and found out who won the election.I was really upset. I know I have to respect the position but I feel like I can’t respect him.I told my mom, “He hasn’t done anything yet; it’s what he has said that scares me.” She suggested I write to you.

I watched the first presidential debate and Mr. Trump was very rude, he interrupted and interjected while Secretary Clinton was speaking. Going off of what I have heard, he thinks that LGBTQ folk and Mexicans are bad. My Popsie is an American of Mexican…

View original post 159 more words

It’s That Time Again Kids!

try-it-before-you-buy-it-flex-seal_9663632_ver1-0_640_360

::Ahem::
What’s up with these commercials touting FlexSeal as the Perfect Christmas Gift?
They even go so far as to show some Broad gleefully accepting a Festively Wrapped Can of the Liquid Rubber Spray like it was made of Gold.
“Hey this is GREAT! Now we won’t need to use those Pesky Condoms any more!
I’ll just spray this Shit up my Vagina and we’re Good to Go!”
And what better way to get your Annoying Right Wing Relatives to Shut the Fuck Up!
FlexSeal!
Say! It *is* an Awesome Gift!
::Please Make A Note Of It::

 

::Ahem::
♫♪♪♫♫♪♪
I don’t want your Fluoride Toothpaste that can Clean my Teeth so Well,♪♫♪
I don’t want your Stupid X-Rays and your Drill can Go to Hell!♪♫♪
But you Think I should be Happy with your Silly Laughing Gas,
While I Ran around your Office,
And Made Myself an Ass.♪♫♪
Silver Teeth and Golden Fillings cannot Mend this Mouth of Mine
And I dare not Drown My Pain
In your Sweet Novocaine.♪♫♪
You can’t Heal my Mouth with Implants
Cause I Can’t afford That Kind,
Silver Teeth and Golden Fillings
Cannot Mend this Mouth of Mine! ♫♪♫
::Please Make A Note Of It::

Dog Days Of The Bi-Polar Autumnal Vortex

It’s been a bit of a stressful month, dog-wise.
Our Rottweiler, Gunther, was diagnosed with Cancer just after Labor day.
I originally thought he’d had a Stroke, but the vet said those symptoms were due to anemia caused by the Cancer destroying his Red Blood Cells….
He’d lost a lot of weight and had stopped eating.
It was fast and furious, and basically the vet said all we could really do was make him comfortable. He was having his good days and bad days.
Some days he would eat the fresh burgers and chicken my husband would bring home from work (he’s a Chef), and other days he’d clamp his jaws shut and turn away.
The vet did more blood tests, but basically all we could do was wait.
He didn’t suggest putting him down….yet.
He was only 8 years old.
Rotties generally live 9-12 years…
Way too short a Life Span.
My daughter Ariel, who’s had a special bond with him, did not take it well
(she came home from College in Worcester, Massachusetts- a four hour drive- the day after he was diagnosed to say Good-Bye).
Nor did my friends who knew him.
Everyone was very sad.
Ziggy, the Puggle, who is usually an Asshole, would not leave Gunther’s side.
Gunther died on September 27th, *while* we were at my Sister-In-Law’s wedding in NYC.
Earlier that day he’d been rallying, and was trotting around, and later that afternoon ::BOOM::
He just plain dropped dead.
My friend (who’d just lost her Border Collie to Bladder Cancer a month earlier) said, “He made the decision for you!”
(True, at least we didn’t actually have to have him “Put Down”…)
Kukki, the 16 year old Pug who’d been Circling the Drain for the past year or so, dropped dead in the kitchen 3 days later.
Her Timing was Impeccable.
Oh My God poor Weezer (the Boston Terrorist) looked so scared, Ziggy (the Puggle) was actually mourning, and Zero (our 6 month old Labradoodle) was like WTF….?!

Kukki Monster and Gunther, taken August 3rd 2015
Friends Till The End: Kukki Monster and Gunther, taken August 3rd 2015
Zero, Weezer, and Ziggy
Weezer and Ziggy were scared and confused. Zero was like WTF?!

Zero, the Doodle puppy, loved Gunther.
Dogs definitely mourn.
Here’s a picture of Zero taken Saturday October 4th on his Six Month Birthday, which I posted on my Assbook page (He has his own album called “Zero Sez”
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10153731467529367&set=a.10153595312664367.1073741878.611814366&type=3&theater ) with this bio:
(see below)

Zero
Zero Misses Gunther and Kukki

Zero Sez:
::Ahem::
Did you know that I was Born in Virginia Six Months Ago Today??
When I was only Nine Weeks Old,
Daddy drove all the way from New Jersey to meet my Brother and Me!
I chose Daddy to take me Home with him because I thought his Shoelaces were Delicious!
I was really scared at first. The drive was so long! Then, when we finally got here, I met Mommy, (She’s the Alpha-Bitch! Daddy is the Great Hunter!) plus FOUR new BIG Siblings! We became friends really fast.
Now I’m So Big!
But, last week my Big Buddy Gunther left us!
Then, a few days later, Kukki left! This made me confused and sad.
Mommy says they are in Heaven.
I hope Heaven is fun for them.
Now Ziggy and Weezer are my Playmates.
Ziggy was so sad, and Weezer looked so scared when the others went to Heaven, but I think I make them feel better when I chew on their Heads!
Mommy says she Loves Me and won’t let anything bad happen to me ever, even though I ate her Reading Glasses yesterday.
I am being a Good Boy now, and I love my Home!
::Please Make A Note Of It::
 

Dogs Definitely Do Not Live Long Enough.

::Ahem::
Asshole Party Frontrunner,
Billionaire “The Donald” AssHat Trump Lands at Mexican Border.
In Lower Left-Hand Corner, Government Hedgehog Attempts To Locate
The Bloated Megalomaniac’s Miniscule Genitalia Via Ultrasound As Bemused Local Officials Look On.
::Please Make A Note Of It::Asshole 2016

[Photo Courtesy Of The New Yorker]

The Republican Cesspool Of Presidential Candidates Plus One Belly-Flopper

::Ahem::
This Festering Pile Of Shit Who Wants to Own Everything
Is Belly-Flopping Into the Republican Cesspool of Presidential Candidates.
I Maintain that Asshat Trump’s Only Redeeming Quality Is That he Is Indeed,
Like Most Festering Piles of Shit,
Biodegradable.
Except for that Roadkill on his Head.
Every Time the Pompous Megalomaniac Opens That Festering Sewage Trap to Speak,
He Makes himself Less Credible as a Candidate.
Though I must Predict that Between Asshat Trump and Forrest Gump (aka Jeb!),
and the Rest of the Republican Cesspool of Candidates,
The Collective Comedy Writers of the Universe Are Anticipating Electoral Comedy Field Days.
::Please Make A Note Of It::
[Photo Courtesy Of The New Yorker]

[Photo Courtesy Of The New Yorker]
Belly-Flopping Into the Republican Cesspool of Presidential Candidates
[Photo Courtesy Of The New Yorker]

 

POTUS?

SCOTUS? POTUS? SCROTUM? WTF?

::Ahem::
OMG.
WTF.
HFM.
As If ‪#‎Hashtags‬ aren’t Annoying Enough,
What The Actual Fuck is UP with the Current Overuse of ACRONYMS????
Last week, when the Supreme Court ruled Pro-All/Any-Gender-Marriage,
Social Media was Ablaze (and Rightfully So) with Sunshine, Lollipops and Rainbows,
Thanking SCOTUS (Supreme Court Of The United States) and POTUS….!?!
I’m sorry but when I see SCOTUS my *Brain* thinks *Scrotum*.
Although associating the Supreme Court with Ballsacks is not *too* far off base, WHY is the Acronym necessary??
And when someone referred to Obama as POTUS.
Well.
It took me a few moments to figure *that* one out.
I see POTUS and I think, “Weezer (my Boston Terrorist) catches a Baby Potus in the Back Yard at least once a year….”
Dont even get me *started* on what my brain sees when someone types FLOTUS….I *won’t*.
I *like* our First Lady and I think it’s Downright Disrespectful to use such Vulgarity.
Goddamn It!
If you mean something just SAY IT.
Or TYPE IT.
And that’s another thing.
If I see ONE more *Adult* using “U” in a sentence instead of the Actual Word “YOU”,
I am going to reach through Cyberspace and shove a Complete Box Set of Sesame Street down the Offender’s Throat.
::Please Make A Note Of It::
*Tonight’s Rant was Brought to You By HashTag Away….*

Tonight's Rant was Brought to You By HashTag Away....
Tonight’s Rant was Brought to You By HashTag Away….

 

"Fruit flies" by TheAlphaWolf - Own work. Licensed under CC BY 3.0 via Wikimedia Commons - http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Fruit_flies.jpg#/media/File:Fruit_flies.jpg

Sleep, Sex, Fruit Flies, And Mice

::Ahem::
I Stumbled Upon a Study on How Lack Of Sleep Can Affect my Cognitive Abilities, Health and Memory.
It went on to Proclaim That:
“…University of Washington researchers studied the role of sleep in forming long-term memories by using a Special Breed of Fruit Flies that could be Induced to Sleep On Demand.
First, the Male Flies studied in this paper were “trained” by being exposed to other Genetically Engineered Males who released Female Pheromones.
After several courtships and rejections during this training period, some of these Flies were then forced to sleep for four hours.
These Sleepers made no further attempts to court the Engineered Males when exposed to them again — suggesting that sleep had helped form a long-term memory of the earlier deception.
But Flies who didn’t sleep were tricked once more by the same Genetically Engineered Males. The researchers in this study concluded that training alone was not enough to trigger memory consolidation — sleep was a necessary component.”
[So Evidently if I get Enough Sleep, I *may* one day be as Smart as a Fruit Fly.]
And…”Another Preliminary Study from the Washington University School of Medicine found that in Mice, Poor Sleep may be related to Brain Plaques associated with Alzheimer’s.”
So, folks, be sure that your Fruit Flies and Mice get Plenty of Sleep!
Me?
I’ll be awake until 4 or 5AM watching the Science Channel.
::Please Make A Note Of It::

Mouse CPR