Category Archives: Health

"Fruit flies" by TheAlphaWolf - Own work. Licensed under CC BY 3.0 via Wikimedia Commons - http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Fruit_flies.jpg#/media/File:Fruit_flies.jpg

Sleep, Sex, Fruit Flies, And Mice

::Ahem::
I Stumbled Upon a Study on How Lack Of Sleep Can Affect my Cognitive Abilities, Health and Memory.
It went on to Proclaim That:
“…University of Washington researchers studied the role of sleep in forming long-term memories by using a Special Breed of Fruit Flies that could be Induced to Sleep On Demand.
First, the Male Flies studied in this paper were “trained” by being exposed to other Genetically Engineered Males who released Female Pheromones.
After several courtships and rejections during this training period, some of these Flies were then forced to sleep for four hours.
These Sleepers made no further attempts to court the Engineered Males when exposed to them again — suggesting that sleep had helped form a long-term memory of the earlier deception.
But Flies who didn’t sleep were tricked once more by the same Genetically Engineered Males. The researchers in this study concluded that training alone was not enough to trigger memory consolidation — sleep was a necessary component.”
[So Evidently if I get Enough Sleep, I *may* one day be as Smart as a Fruit Fly.]
And…”Another Preliminary Study from the Washington University School of Medicine found that in Mice, Poor Sleep may be related to Brain Plaques associated with Alzheimer’s.”
So, folks, be sure that your Fruit Flies and Mice get Plenty of Sleep!
Me?
I’ll be awake until 4 or 5AM watching the Science Channel.
::Please Make A Note Of It::

Mouse CPR

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Portrait Of An Idiot

Portrait Of An Idiot (Don’t Try This At Home, Kids!)

::Ahem::
I Am So Talented,
I Managed To Give Myself A Black Eye.
See I had This Kind of Pimply-Like Thing Under My Eye…
And it was Really Annoying Me the Other Night….
So I figured I’d Perform Sugery..
Not Successfully.
There’s These Capillaries there you see…
So…
Yes.
I am An Idiot.
But Makeup and Reading Glasses help.
It Also Helps To Be Bi-Polish.
::Please Make A Note Of It::

I am An Idiot.  But Makeup and Reading Glasses help. It Also Helps To Be Bi-Polish.
I am An Idiot.
But Makeup and Reading Glasses help.
It Also Helps To Be Bi-Polish.
☼Punxsutawney Phil Can Kiss My Ass☼

☼Punxsutawney Phil Can Kiss My Ass☼

::Ahem::
¤ AccuWhatTheFuck¤ Update!!
The Bi-Polish Vortex Continues On Its Merry Way Through The Tri-State Region.
At the Moment we are Smack Dab in the Middle of a Seasonal Weather System that Meteorologists like to call “The Cryosphere”,
Meaning that it is Colder Than A Witch’s Tit and Prone to Spontaneously Producing Glaciers, Ice shelves, Icebergs, and Douchebags.

☼Punxsutawney Phil Can Kiss My Ass☼
☼Punxsutawney Phil Can Kiss My Ass☼

ANOTHER SEVEN INCHES of SNON on the Ground and I’m Skipping the Gym today because The Roads are a Sheet of Ice.
Face It Folks, Another Ice Age Is Upon Us!
(At least *My Body* evidently thinks so.)
Our Bodies believe that Any Day Now, we’ll have Another Ice Age and there won’t be Any More Food, so they Need to Store up Lots of Fat.
So while our Brains are in the 21st Century, forcing us to eat Salads,
Our Bodies are Back in Prehistoric Times, thinking:
“I made Six Ounces of Fat today! Bring on the Glaciers!”
If only we could explain to our Bodies that Times have Changed & they no longer need to make so much Fat.
Of course, I refuse to get on a Scale unless Forced to Do So at Gunpoint.
Why, you may ask?
Or not.
But I’ll tell you anyway.
I’m Allergic to Scales.
The Type that Guess your Weight.
They make me Break Out in Low Self-Esteem.
The last time I got on a Digital Scale was when they did the Mandatory “Wellness” Thing at Work in September.
Yes: My Biometric Screening!
Which of course meant Blood Tests, Blood Pressure, BMI Analysis, and the Utterly Horrific “Getting On The Scale For the First Time in a Year”.
Okay so I *did* tell the Screening Broad that I have at least Five Pounds of Product in My Hair and to take that into account…
Plus Gravity has gotten Stronger due to the Space Dust Thing…
But she made me get on the Digital Scale anyway.
First, the Scale said “Yo! Two of Y’all Are Gonna Have To Get Off!”
Then, when it finally registered,
It read “Volkswagen”.
Gravity Is Not My Friend.
So Evidently I’m the Perfect Weight for My Height, Bone Structure, BMI, and Age.
*If* I Were a 1964 Volkswagen Mini-Bus.
Really.
Bring On The Ice Age!
::Please Make A Note Of It::

Me!
What The Hospital Scale Thinks I Am…

 

 

::Ahem::
Governor Chris “Krispy Kreme” Christie has Declared a State of Emergency in New Jersey:
Due to Winter Storm “Juno”‘s Imminent Blizzard Conditions, the Entenmann’s Trucks will be Unable to Deliver to the Governor’s Mansion as Scheduled.
Upon Discovering That the Driveway to His Favorite Dunkin’ Donuts is Plowed In and His Beloved Pizza Hut is Closed,
The Fat Bastard (oops I mean Governor) Announced:
“I encourage all New Jerseyans to use Every Caution as they travel today and to remain off the roads whenever possible so that our first responders and public safety officials can safely respond to these Emergency Situations, assuring that Stockpiles of Donuts and Pizza are Delivered to the Governor’s Mansion in a Timely Fashion. ”
He then added, “Get the HELL away from that Domino’s Car!!! That’s MINE!”
::Please Make A Note Of It::

The 12 Days of Shutdown- A Musical Rebuttal

Barely a month after the midterm elections, U.S. Congress is already threatening another government shutdown if Obama takes executive action.

A Music Major in College, my daughter Ariel responded the only way she knew how:
A Critical Response…via Song.
She wrote and recorded this at the request of her Co-Workers.
(She works part-time at a Democratic Fund-Raising Organization near Campus).

::WARNING::
In the Event of a Boehner That Persists Longer Than Four Days,
Citizens Should Seek Immediate Professional Help.
If House Republicanism Is Not Treated Immediately,
Brain Tissue Damage and Permanent Loss of Inalienable Rights Will Result.
::Please Make A Note Of It::

 

Death By Fire Or Ice

::Ahem::
According To the Scientist Broad with the Bushy Eyebrows and Shaggy Hair on the Science Channel,
And the Cool Asian Theoretical Physicist Dude with Awesome Hair,
If the Earth shifted even a *Fraction* Inward in its Orbit Around The Sun, Oceans would Boil Away,
Our Planet Would Become a Desert, and the Earth would Be Destroyed.
If Earth’s Orbit shifted even a *Fraction* in the Opposite Direction,
Instead of Boiling, We would be Encased in Ice.
Oceans would Freeze.
A Permanent Ice Age would Begin.
The Smallest Shift in the Earth’s Orbit,
And We All Die by Fire or Ice.
::Please Make A Note Of It::
And Have A Pleasant Tomorrow….
Purple Thruway

Me!

I’m Allergic To Scales. They Make Me Break Out In Low Self-Esteem.

It’s That Time of Year Once Again!
(I’m not referring to Autumn.)
Time For My Biometric Screening!
Which of course means Blood Tests, Blood Pressure, BMI Analysis, and the Utterly Horrific “Getting On The Scale For the First Time in a Year”.
Okay so I *did* tell the Screening Broad that I have at least Five Pounds of Product in My Hair and to take that into account…
Plus Gravity has gotten stronger due to the Space Dust Thing…
But she made me get on the Digital Scale anyway.
Which immediately read, “Yo! Two of Y’all Are Gonna Have To Get Off!”
Gravity Is Not My Friend.

So Evidently I’m the Perfect Weight for my Height, Bone Structure, BMI, and Age.
*If* I Were a 1964 Volkswagen.Missez Premise Wagen

Yay! It’s Back and Playable! Boston Marathon 2013 First Responder Tribute

Yay!
It’s Unblocked!
The Youtube Nazi Bastards had this Tribute (to the First Responders after the Boston Marathon Bombings in 2013) that my daughter recorded BLOCKED for several months in this country!!
Bastards!!