Portrait Of An Idiot

Portrait Of An Idiot (Don’t Try This At Home, Kids!)

::Ahem::
I Am So Talented,
I Managed To Give Myself A Black Eye.
See I had This Kind of Pimply-Like Thing Under My Eye…
And it was Really Annoying Me the Other Night….
So I figured I’d Perform Sugery..
Not Successfully.
There’s These Capillaries there you see…
So…
Yes.
I am An Idiot.
But Makeup and Reading Glasses help.
It Also Helps To Be Bi-Polish.
::Please Make A Note Of It::

I am An Idiot.  But Makeup and Reading Glasses help. It Also Helps To Be Bi-Polish.
I am An Idiot.
But Makeup and Reading Glasses help.
It Also Helps To Be Bi-Polish.
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Delicious! Tasty!

Gastronomically Incorrect??

::Ahem::
What IS it with the Recent Over-Use of the Words “Yummy” “Yum” and the Ever-Nauseating “Yummmmm”??
I feel like I’m with a communicating bunch of Pre-Schoolers!!
What ever happened to “Delicious” or even “Tasty”?
How about the Ubiquitous “That’s Fucking AWESOME!”?
What are we, Three?
(Of course, Mentally, I’m still Fourteen, but that’s Besides the Point).
Just STAHHHP!
::Please Make A Note Of It::

Easter, Passover, Hollywood, And Irony On The USS Enterprise

::Ahem::
Easter, Passover, Hollywood, and Irony on the USS Enterprise.
Not Necessarily In That Order…
It Goes Kinda Like This:
At some point prior to “The Cage” (Later known as “The Menagerie“–Star Trek TOS), Christopher Robin Pike is promoted to Fleet Captain.
He is severely injured while rescuing several Cadets from a Baffle Plate Rupture on board a J-class Training Vessel, the Delta Ray Radiation leaving him Paralyzed, Mute, Badly Scarred, and Dependent on a Brainwave-Operated Wheelchair.
His only means of communicating is through a Light on the Chair:
One Flash meaning “Yes” and Two Flashes indicating “No”.
But…Wait!
What?
They can Travel at Warp Speed Through Space and Time, yet all they can manage for Captain Pike is a Glorified Hoveround!?!
No Wonder the Son of God quit the Series!
And it was A Good Thing, too!
If Jeffrey Hunter hadn’t quit Star Trek, the character of the SpaceAge-Wheelchair Bound Captain Pike as we know him, and indeed the now famous character of
Captain James Tiberius Kirk played by William Shatner may never have existed.
(Evidently Mr. Hunter was Good Enough to Die for Our Sins but not quite up to the Task of Seducing Green Women.)
The Collective Star Trek Fan Base thanks him for that.
In reality Hunter accepted the lead role of Captain Christopher Pike in “The Cage”, the first pilot episode of Star Trek, but declined to film a second Star Trek pilot requested by NBC in 1965, and decided to concentrate on motion pictures such as Brainstorm.
Ironically, Hunter died of a Cerebral Hemorrhage in 1969.
Three Days Later,
He Arose from the Dead,
Saw a Cute Little Bunny, and
Decided to Hide Brightly Colored Hard Boiled Eggs and Dispense Jelly Beans to the Masses.
Happy Easter!
::Please Make A Note Of It::

"The Menagerie"--Star Trek TOS
They can Travel at Warp Speed Through Space and Time, yet all they can manage for Captain Pike is a Glorified Hoveround!?!

::Ahem::
I DESPISE the word “Sexy”.
What does it mean, anyway? (Shut up I KNOW what it means).
“Sexy” is NOT a Compliment!!!
Why does a Person have to be “Sexy”?
Why can’t they just be “Handsome” or “Beautiful” or “Moderately Attractive”?
What the FUCK does COPULATION have to do with anything????
You never hear anyone talk about their PET that way…
“Hey, that Rottweiler sure is SEXY!”
“That *Sexy* Appaloosa just won the Belmont Stakes!!”
OK maybe some Freaky Folks.
But still.
Just Stop with the “Sexy” already.
That went *out* in the 80’s.
::Please Make A Note Of It::

Thinking About Putting Your Snow Boots Away?? Think Again.

::Ahem::
☼AccuWhatTheF☼ck Forecast☼
Oh Boy!
Yay!
Spring Is Coming!
So Is This Giant Blue and Pink Dildo!
Bend Over NorthEast!!
And Watch Out For The Big Red *L*!!!
The Bi-Polish Cryogenic Vortex Is Gonna Stick It To You Again!!
So Remember:
Spring Begins with The Vernal Equinox
On Friday March 20th 2015 at 6:45PM!!
Be Sure to Balance Your Eggs!
You Might Try Sticking Them Into One of the Hundreds of SNOWBANKS That Will (Still) Populate the Eastern Seabroad!!
::Please Make A Note Of It::

::Ahem:: Thinking About Putting Your Snow Boots Away?? Think Again.  ::Please Make A Note Of It::
::Ahem::
Thinking About Putting Your Snow Boots Away??
Think Again.
::Please Make A Note Of It::

 

"By Weir... the Hides of March!"

March Fifteenth Two Thousand Fifteen

::Ahem::
Julius March the Tanner was on the Horns of a Dilemma.
He needed to deliver a load of Freshly Tanned Hides to the Local Leather Goods
Manufacturer.
All seemed well until the truck driver came in and told him that the tires on the truck were bald.
“Alas!” cried Mr March, “Then we cannot make delivery as I have no
money to buy new tires! I’d better call the customer and inform him!”
The customer, being a good friend of Mr. March, agreed to take a double
load of hides thus giving the Tanner the wherewithal to get new tires.
Furthermore, he suggested, the driver could drop the hides off,
collect the payment in cash and go straight to the Tire Fitter from
there.
Mr March, ecstatic at the news, sent the driver on his way with strict
instructions to report immediately to the Tire Fitter once he had
completed his delivery.
Unfortunately, Murphy’s law being what it is, the truck suffered a
blowout on the way to the delivery.
Swerving all over the road on its three remaining bald tires, the truck finally careened off into the
River and lost its load.
Fortunately a Low Dam had been built across the River at that point
and the Hides washed up against it.
The driver, dazed and almost incoherent called the customer on a payphone (there were no Cell Phones at the time) to inform him of the disaster.
A passer-by heard him breathlessly tell the leather goods manufacturer:
“By Weir… the Hides of March!”
Editor’s Note: [A weir/ˈwɪər/ is a barrier across a river designed to alter its flow characteristics. In most cases, weirs take the form of obstructions smaller than most conventional dams, pooling water behind them while also allowing it to flow steadily over their tops. Weirs are commonly used to alter the flow of rivers to prevent flooding, measure discharge, and help render rivers navigable.]
::Please Make A Note Of It::

"By Weir... the Hides of March!"
A weir in Warkworth, New Zealand
Yet Another Symbolic Album Title

Yet Another Symbolic Album Title

::A Friendly Reminder::
For Those Who Are/Will Be In The Boston/Somerville Massachusetts Area!!
Tonight’s The Night!
Friday The Thirteenth Twenty- Fifteen!!
My Daughter (*Your* Friend, Acquaintance, Cousin, Niece, Etc.)
Ariel Rubin (AKA *Rel*) Will Be Playing The Dinner Show at Cuisine en Locale!!
Admission is Free!
::But::
Enjoy a Reasonably Priced Dinner, (Ariel hopes to be there around 6:30ish)
Tip the Waitstaff AND Your Entertainer, A Financially-Challenged College Student (that’s how she gets paid!! )!!!
::Ahem::
Here’s the Poop:

Last week, Ariel (my Daughter) went to see Amanda Palmer at a small concert in the Boston area.
She was there with a former High School buddy who knows someone in the opening band, thus, they were backstage during sound checks.
Amanda is real cool about being with fans; Ariel has met her on several occasions.
Ariel was playing one of her original compositions on the piano in the lounge before the show, AFP heard it and was very impressed.
The booking agent heard it as well and was so impressed that she offered Ariel work playing there.
Cuisine en Locale, that is…
So….
Ariel Sez:
“This Friday, I’ll be playing a dinner show at Cuisine en Locale in Somerville, MA.
If you live in the area, it’d be really great if you came out to support me 🙂 .
In honor of my playing at Cuisine en Locale on Friday,
I would like to once again remind you that I have a 4-track EP out on Bandcamp. I retitled the album “Yet Another Symbolic Album Title” because I wasn’t feeling the other one and honestly it was just an anagram to spell BUTT.
But please please PLEASE support me! All proceeds help to support me in paying rent and not starving. I believe in a pay-what-you-want policy, so every bit helps.”
https://relr.bandcamp.com/album/yet-another-symbolic-album-title
::Please Make A Note Of It::

Yet Another Symbolic Album Title (EP)
Rel