Tag Archives: Funny

::Ahem::
♫♪♪♫♫♪♪
I don’t want your Fluoride Toothpaste that can Clean my Teeth so Well,♪♫♪
I don’t want your Stupid X-Rays and your Drill can Go to Hell!♪♫♪
But you Think I should be Happy with your Silly Laughing Gas,
While I Ran around your Office,
And Made Myself an Ass.♪♫♪
Silver Teeth and Golden Fillings cannot Mend this Mouth of Mine
And I dare not Drown My Pain
In your Sweet Novocaine.♪♫♪
You can’t Heal my Mouth with Implants
Cause I Can’t afford That Kind,
Silver Teeth and Golden Fillings
Cannot Mend this Mouth of Mine! ♫♪♫
::Please Make A Note Of It::

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Delicious! Tasty!

Gastronomically Incorrect??

::Ahem::
What IS it with the Recent Over-Use of the Words “Yummy” “Yum” and the Ever-Nauseating “Yummmmm”??
I feel like I’m with a communicating bunch of Pre-Schoolers!!
What ever happened to “Delicious” or even “Tasty”?
How about the Ubiquitous “That’s Fucking AWESOME!”?
What are we, Three?
(Of course, Mentally, I’m still Fourteen, but that’s Besides the Point).
Just STAHHHP!
::Please Make A Note Of It::

::AHEM::
“Due To Daylight Saving(s) Time,
This Weekend You Will Waste One Less Hour On The Internet.”
What Time Is It?
Where?
What?
Wait, *what* time do I have to get up tomorrow?
Wait! It IS tomorrow!
Daylight Saving Time.
Why not pick a time and STICK with it, dammit!
1914* called! It wants its Antiquated Ideas back!
(*The modern idea of Daylight Saving was first proposed in 1895 by George Vernon Hudson and it was first implemented during the First World War).
Although an early goal of DST was to reduce evening usage of incandescent lighting (formerly a primary use of electricity), modern heating and cooling usage patterns differ greatly, and research about how DST currently affects energy use is limited or contradictory.
DST clock shifts present other challenges. They complicate timekeeping, and can disrupt meetings, travel, billing, record keeping, medical devices, heavy equipment, and sleep patterns. Software can often adjust computer clocks automatically, but this can be limited and error-prone, particularly when DST protocols are changed.
Proponents of DST generally argue that it saves energy, promotes outdoor leisure activity in the evening, and is therefore good for physical and psychological health, reduces traffic accidents, reduces crime, or is good for business. Groups that tend to support DST are urban workers or professionals, retail businesses, outdoor sports enthusiasts and businesses, tourism operators, and others who benefit from increased light during the evening.
Opponents argue that actual energy savings are inconclusive, that DST can disrupt morning activities, and that the act of changing clocks twice a year is economically and socially disruptive and cancels out any benefit. Groups that have tended to oppose DST are farmers, transportation companies, and the indoor and outdoor entertainment business.
A move to “permanent daylight saving time” (staying on summer hours all year with no time shifts) is sometimes advocated, and has in fact been implemented in some jurisdictions such as Iceland, Russia, and Belarus. The United Kingdom stayed on daylight saving time from 1968 to 1971. Advocates cite the same advantages as normal DST without the problems associated with the twice yearly time shifts. However, many remain unconvinced of the benefits, citing the same problems and the relatively late sunrises, particularly in winter, that year-round DST entails.
“Permanent daylight saving time” or permanent summer time are perhaps misnomers, as the practice essentially becomes the “standard time” for the area. However, it can be considered to be a deviation from the internationally agreed timezone of the Coordinated Universal Time system.
Many jurisdictions such as Argentina, Central China, Georgia, Kazakhstan, Mongolia, Saskatchewan, Senegal, Sudan, Turkmenistan, and Tokelau can be considered to use a form of de facto permanent daylight saving time because they use time zones located to the east of the time zones they are geographically located in. Thus their local times are later than the time they would theoretically occur under a “pure” system, such as the nautical time system, giving the same effect as year-round DST.
::Please Make A Note Of It::

::Ahem::
Governor Chris “Krispy Kreme” Christie has Declared a State of Emergency in New Jersey:
Due to Winter Storm “Juno”‘s Imminent Blizzard Conditions, the Entenmann’s Trucks will be Unable to Deliver to the Governor’s Mansion as Scheduled.
Upon Discovering That the Driveway to His Favorite Dunkin’ Donuts is Plowed In and His Beloved Pizza Hut is Closed,
The Fat Bastard (oops I mean Governor) Announced:
“I encourage all New Jerseyans to use Every Caution as they travel today and to remain off the roads whenever possible so that our first responders and public safety officials can safely respond to these Emergency Situations, assuring that Stockpiles of Donuts and Pizza are Delivered to the Governor’s Mansion in a Timely Fashion. ”
He then added, “Get the HELL away from that Domino’s Car!!! That’s MINE!”
::Please Make A Note Of It::

The 12 Days of Shutdown- A Musical Rebuttal

Barely a month after the midterm elections, U.S. Congress is already threatening another government shutdown if Obama takes executive action.

A Music Major in College, my daughter Ariel responded the only way she knew how:
A Critical Response…via Song.
She wrote and recorded this at the request of her Co-Workers.
(She works part-time at a Democratic Fund-Raising Organization near Campus).

::WARNING::
In the Event of a Boehner That Persists Longer Than Four Days,
Citizens Should Seek Immediate Professional Help.
If House Republicanism Is Not Treated Immediately,
Brain Tissue Damage and Permanent Loss of Inalienable Rights Will Result.
::Please Make A Note Of It::

 

Weezer Formula 5 Does Not Exist…Yet!

If my Weezer, my Boston Terrier, had his Own Commercial for a Product I *Should* Invent.
Because I *Have* No Life.
(If you steal my Idea, at least give me credit.)

::Ahem::
At the Moment we are Smack Dab in the Middle of a Sultry Bi-Polish Solar Vortex Seasonal Weather System that Meteorologists call
“The Big Armpit,”
Meaning that it is Endlessly Hot and Humid and Prone to Producing Fungii and Mutant Growths.
Most of which show up in the Emergency Department at around Midnight.
::Please Make A Note Of It::