Tag Archives: Ha ha ha

::Ahem::
♫♪♪♫♫♪♪
I don’t want your Fluoride Toothpaste that can Clean my Teeth so Well,♪♫♪
I don’t want your Stupid X-Rays and your Drill can Go to Hell!♪♫♪
But you Think I should be Happy with your Silly Laughing Gas,
While I Ran around your Office,
And Made Myself an Ass.♪♫♪
Silver Teeth and Golden Fillings cannot Mend this Mouth of Mine
And I dare not Drown My Pain
In your Sweet Novocaine.♪♫♪
You can’t Heal my Mouth with Implants
Cause I Can’t afford That Kind,
Silver Teeth and Golden Fillings
Cannot Mend this Mouth of Mine! ♫♪♫
::Please Make A Note Of It::

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::Ahem::
Asshole Party Frontrunner,
Billionaire “The Donald” AssHat Trump Lands at Mexican Border.
In Lower Left-Hand Corner, Government Hedgehog Attempts To Locate
The Bloated Megalomaniac’s Miniscule Genitalia Via Ultrasound As Bemused Local Officials Look On.
::Please Make A Note Of It::Asshole 2016

Portrait Of An Idiot

Portrait Of An Idiot (Don’t Try This At Home, Kids!)

::Ahem::
I Am So Talented,
I Managed To Give Myself A Black Eye.
See I had This Kind of Pimply-Like Thing Under My Eye…
And it was Really Annoying Me the Other Night….
So I figured I’d Perform Sugery..
Not Successfully.
There’s These Capillaries there you see…
So…
Yes.
I am An Idiot.
But Makeup and Reading Glasses help.
It Also Helps To Be Bi-Polish.
::Please Make A Note Of It::

I am An Idiot.  But Makeup and Reading Glasses help. It Also Helps To Be Bi-Polish.
I am An Idiot.
But Makeup and Reading Glasses help.
It Also Helps To Be Bi-Polish.
Delicious! Tasty!

Gastronomically Incorrect??

::Ahem::
What IS it with the Recent Over-Use of the Words “Yummy” “Yum” and the Ever-Nauseating “Yummmmm”??
I feel like I’m with a communicating bunch of Pre-Schoolers!!
What ever happened to “Delicious” or even “Tasty”?
How about the Ubiquitous “That’s Fucking AWESOME!”?
What are we, Three?
(Of course, Mentally, I’m still Fourteen, but that’s Besides the Point).
Just STAHHHP!
::Please Make A Note Of It::

::Ahem::
Here’s an Idea for Random Social Media Outlet…
Write Your Deepest Thoughts on Sheets of Toilet Paper.
Take Said Paper, Wipe, and Flush.
“Follow Me On Shitter.”
::Please Make A Note Of It::

"Going To Church Doesn't Make You A Christian Any More Than Standing In A Garage Makes You A Car."

“Going To Church Doesn’t Make You A Christian Any More Than Standing In A Garage Makes You A Car.”

::AHEM::
The Conversation Started Like This:
Why is it called “Fat Tuesday”?
It’s Tuesday.
I’m Fat.
End of Story.
“Fat Tuesday is the traditional name for the day before Ash Wednesday, the first day of Lent.
It is more commonly known as Mardi Gras, which is simply Fat Tuesday in French.
It gets its name from the custom, in many Catholic countries, of marking the day with feasting before the fasting season of Lent begins.
Though Mardi Gras technically refers only to Fat Tuesday, the Mardi Gras season actually begins on Epiphany, a Christian holiday celebrated on January 6 that is otherwise known as Three Kings Day or the Twelfth Day of Christmas.
In Brazil and many other countries, this period between Epiphany and Fat Tuesday is known as Carnival.
Whichever name you prefer to use, the Revelries of Mardi Gras last until Midnight “Fat Tuesday”, when Ash Wednesday ushers in Forty Days of Lent.”
Fasting?
What’s that?
I actually *am* a Recovering Catholic.
The last thing I gave up for Lent, when I was Fifteen, was Catholicism.
And tomorrow all Good Catholics will walk around with Schmutz on their Foreheads.
It’s all I can do *not* to run around wiping everyone’s head off with a tissue.
A *used* one…
“Going To Church Doesn’t Make You A Christian Any More Than Standing In A Garage Makes You A Car.”
Re: Ligion.
I’m *not* a Big Fan of Organized Religion.
Really.
You can do *anything* Religiously, that doesn’t necessarily make it “Spiritual”, does it?
No.
(To say I was a Skeptic would be an Understatement…)
When I was little we’d go to Church every Sunday.
In those days Women had to wear a Hat in Church.
Evidently if you Failed To Do So you were Destined to Burn Eternally in Hell.
On the Occasional Sunday we failed to bring Appropriate Headgear, my Mother would inevitably come to the rescue with a Tissue and Bobby Pins.
Fashion of the Times.
Yes, THAT Tissue Alone would Save My Soul, no doubt.
My father was an Usher at the Particular Church we went to.
He’d been a member of the Knights of Columbus as well.
We’d do “Confession” on Saturday nights, receive “Holy Communion” on Sunday, my father would , with the other “Ushers”, do the Collection in the middle of the Painfully Tedious Service, and at the end of this Charade, he’d say, “There, don’t you feel all HOLY now?”
Then we’d go home, and by the end of the day he’d be drunk and verbally and/or physically abusing everyone.
Good Times.
Then, when I was around Fifteen, my older sisters and I while investigating “Alternative” Religions, discovered “Evangelism” (Born-Again-Christianity).
You can Well Imagine where the Story goes from There.
Perhaps I’ll tell Y’all sometime if anyone cares.
Let’s just say, over the years, it involved my Sister getting married to my Ex-Brother-in-Llaw, who, while being an Ordained So-Called Christian Minister, was(is) also one of the Vilest People Inhabiting the Earth.
Boy Howdy can we (meaning my ENTIRE immediate family including my Daughter and my Dogs) tell you stories about *that* Fiasco!
But, that’s for Another Time.
::Please Make A Note Of It::

Commercial Christmas Songs Cause Emotional Distress.

Commercial Christmas Songs Cause Emotional Distress.

::AHEM::
Commercial Christmas Songs Cause Emotional Distress.
Two Examples:
Frosty the Snowman befriends some kids, plays with them until they learn to love him, then melts (!)201802_10151282029814367_683441510_o
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, because of a Physical Deformity, is treated as an Outcast by his peers.
Does Santa look past Rudolph’s nose & respect him for the Sensitive Buck he is?
No.
Of course not!
Santa, the Fat Bastard that he is, has Rudolph guide his Bloated Carcass’s Overloaded Sleigh and the Eight other “Socially Acceptable Reindeer” through a Blizzard as if he were nothing more than a Giant Antlered Fog-Llight with Llegs & a Tail.
What kind of Message does THAT send to our Youth???
Way to go Santa.
::Please Make A Note Of It::

Commercial Christmas Songs Cause Emotional Distress.
Commercial Christmas Songs Cause Emotional Distress.

 

Death By Fire Or Ice

::Ahem::
According To the Scientist Broad with the Bushy Eyebrows and Shaggy Hair on the Science Channel,
And the Cool Asian Theoretical Physicist Dude with Awesome Hair,
If the Earth shifted even a *Fraction* Inward in its Orbit Around The Sun, Oceans would Boil Away,
Our Planet Would Become a Desert, and the Earth would Be Destroyed.
If Earth’s Orbit shifted even a *Fraction* in the Opposite Direction,
Instead of Boiling, We would be Encased in Ice.
Oceans would Freeze.
A Permanent Ice Age would Begin.
The Smallest Shift in the Earth’s Orbit,
And We All Die by Fire or Ice.
::Please Make A Note Of It::
And Have A Pleasant Tomorrow….
Purple Thruway