Tag Archives: Original

::Ahem::
♫♪♪♫♫♪♪
I don’t want your Fluoride Toothpaste that can Clean my Teeth so Well,♪♫♪
I don’t want your Stupid X-Rays and your Drill can Go to Hell!♪♫♪
But you Think I should be Happy with your Silly Laughing Gas,
While I Ran around your Office,
And Made Myself an Ass.♪♫♪
Silver Teeth and Golden Fillings cannot Mend this Mouth of Mine
And I dare not Drown My Pain
In your Sweet Novocaine.♪♫♪
You can’t Heal my Mouth with Implants
Cause I Can’t afford That Kind,
Silver Teeth and Golden Fillings
Cannot Mend this Mouth of Mine! ♫♪♫
::Please Make A Note Of It::

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Dog Days Of The Bi-Polar Autumnal Vortex

It’s been a bit of a stressful month, dog-wise.
Our Rottweiler, Gunther, was diagnosed with Cancer just after Labor day.
I originally thought he’d had a Stroke, but the vet said those symptoms were due to anemia caused by the Cancer destroying his Red Blood Cells….
He’d lost a lot of weight and had stopped eating.
It was fast and furious, and basically the vet said all we could really do was make him comfortable. He was having his good days and bad days.
Some days he would eat the fresh burgers and chicken my husband would bring home from work (he’s a Chef), and other days he’d clamp his jaws shut and turn away.
The vet did more blood tests, but basically all we could do was wait.
He didn’t suggest putting him down….yet.
He was only 8 years old.
Rotties generally live 9-12 years…
Way too short a Life Span.
My daughter Ariel, who’s had a special bond with him, did not take it well
(she came home from College in Worcester, Massachusetts- a four hour drive- the day after he was diagnosed to say Good-Bye).
Nor did my friends who knew him.
Everyone was very sad.
Ziggy, the Puggle, who is usually an Asshole, would not leave Gunther’s side.
Gunther died on September 27th, *while* we were at my Sister-In-Law’s wedding in NYC.
Earlier that day he’d been rallying, and was trotting around, and later that afternoon ::BOOM::
He just plain dropped dead.
My friend (who’d just lost her Border Collie to Bladder Cancer a month earlier) said, “He made the decision for you!”
(True, at least we didn’t actually have to have him “Put Down”…)
Kukki, the 16 year old Pug who’d been Circling the Drain for the past year or so, dropped dead in the kitchen 3 days later.
Her Timing was Impeccable.
Oh My God poor Weezer (the Boston Terrorist) looked so scared, Ziggy (the Puggle) was actually mourning, and Zero (our 6 month old Labradoodle) was like WTF….?!

Kukki Monster and Gunther, taken August 3rd 2015
Friends Till The End: Kukki Monster and Gunther, taken August 3rd 2015
Zero, Weezer, and Ziggy
Weezer and Ziggy were scared and confused. Zero was like WTF?!

Zero, the Doodle puppy, loved Gunther.
Dogs definitely mourn.
Here’s a picture of Zero taken Saturday October 4th on his Six Month Birthday, which I posted on my Assbook page (He has his own album called “Zero Sez”
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10153731467529367&set=a.10153595312664367.1073741878.611814366&type=3&theater ) with this bio:
(see below)

Zero
Zero Misses Gunther and Kukki

Zero Sez:
::Ahem::
Did you know that I was Born in Virginia Six Months Ago Today??
When I was only Nine Weeks Old,
Daddy drove all the way from New Jersey to meet my Brother and Me!
I chose Daddy to take me Home with him because I thought his Shoelaces were Delicious!
I was really scared at first. The drive was so long! Then, when we finally got here, I met Mommy, (She’s the Alpha-Bitch! Daddy is the Great Hunter!) plus FOUR new BIG Siblings! We became friends really fast.
Now I’m So Big!
But, last week my Big Buddy Gunther left us!
Then, a few days later, Kukki left! This made me confused and sad.
Mommy says they are in Heaven.
I hope Heaven is fun for them.
Now Ziggy and Weezer are my Playmates.
Ziggy was so sad, and Weezer looked so scared when the others went to Heaven, but I think I make them feel better when I chew on their Heads!
Mommy says she Loves Me and won’t let anything bad happen to me ever, even though I ate her Reading Glasses yesterday.
I am being a Good Boy now, and I love my Home!
::Please Make A Note Of It::
 

Dogs Definitely Do Not Live Long Enough.

POTUS?

SCOTUS? POTUS? SCROTUM? WTF?

::Ahem::
OMG.
WTF.
HFM.
As If ‪#‎Hashtags‬ aren’t Annoying Enough,
What The Actual Fuck is UP with the Current Overuse of ACRONYMS????
Last week, when the Supreme Court ruled Pro-All/Any-Gender-Marriage,
Social Media was Ablaze (and Rightfully So) with Sunshine, Lollipops and Rainbows,
Thanking SCOTUS (Supreme Court Of The United States) and POTUS….!?!
I’m sorry but when I see SCOTUS my *Brain* thinks *Scrotum*.
Although associating the Supreme Court with Ballsacks is not *too* far off base, WHY is the Acronym necessary??
And when someone referred to Obama as POTUS.
Well.
It took me a few moments to figure *that* one out.
I see POTUS and I think, “Weezer (my Boston Terrorist) catches a Baby Potus in the Back Yard at least once a year….”
Dont even get me *started* on what my brain sees when someone types FLOTUS….I *won’t*.
I *like* our First Lady and I think it’s Downright Disrespectful to use such Vulgarity.
Goddamn It!
If you mean something just SAY IT.
Or TYPE IT.
And that’s another thing.
If I see ONE more *Adult* using “U” in a sentence instead of the Actual Word “YOU”,
I am going to reach through Cyberspace and shove a Complete Box Set of Sesame Street down the Offender’s Throat.
::Please Make A Note Of It::
*Tonight’s Rant was Brought to You By HashTag Away….*

Tonight's Rant was Brought to You By HashTag Away....
Tonight’s Rant was Brought to You By HashTag Away….

 

Delicious! Tasty!

Gastronomically Incorrect??

::Ahem::
What IS it with the Recent Over-Use of the Words “Yummy” “Yum” and the Ever-Nauseating “Yummmmm”??
I feel like I’m with a communicating bunch of Pre-Schoolers!!
What ever happened to “Delicious” or even “Tasty”?
How about the Ubiquitous “That’s Fucking AWESOME!”?
What are we, Three?
(Of course, Mentally, I’m still Fourteen, but that’s Besides the Point).
Just STAHHHP!
::Please Make A Note Of It::

Yet Another Symbolic Album Title

Yet Another Symbolic Album Title

::A Friendly Reminder::
For Those Who Are/Will Be In The Boston/Somerville Massachusetts Area!!
Tonight’s The Night!
Friday The Thirteenth Twenty- Fifteen!!
My Daughter (*Your* Friend, Acquaintance, Cousin, Niece, Etc.)
Ariel Rubin (AKA *Rel*) Will Be Playing The Dinner Show at Cuisine en Locale!!
Admission is Free!
::But::
Enjoy a Reasonably Priced Dinner, (Ariel hopes to be there around 6:30ish)
Tip the Waitstaff AND Your Entertainer, A Financially-Challenged College Student (that’s how she gets paid!! )!!!
::Ahem::
Here’s the Poop:

Last week, Ariel (my Daughter) went to see Amanda Palmer at a small concert in the Boston area.
She was there with a former High School buddy who knows someone in the opening band, thus, they were backstage during sound checks.
Amanda is real cool about being with fans; Ariel has met her on several occasions.
Ariel was playing one of her original compositions on the piano in the lounge before the show, AFP heard it and was very impressed.
The booking agent heard it as well and was so impressed that she offered Ariel work playing there.
Cuisine en Locale, that is…
So….
Ariel Sez:
“This Friday, I’ll be playing a dinner show at Cuisine en Locale in Somerville, MA.
If you live in the area, it’d be really great if you came out to support me 🙂 .
In honor of my playing at Cuisine en Locale on Friday,
I would like to once again remind you that I have a 4-track EP out on Bandcamp. I retitled the album “Yet Another Symbolic Album Title” because I wasn’t feeling the other one and honestly it was just an anagram to spell BUTT.
But please please PLEASE support me! All proceeds help to support me in paying rent and not starving. I believe in a pay-what-you-want policy, so every bit helps.”
https://relr.bandcamp.com/album/yet-another-symbolic-album-title
::Please Make A Note Of It::

Yet Another Symbolic Album Title (EP)
Rel


::Ahem::
Here’s an Idea for Random Social Media Outlet…
Write Your Deepest Thoughts on Sheets of Toilet Paper.
Take Said Paper, Wipe, and Flush.
“Follow Me On Shitter.”
::Please Make A Note Of It::

Built Under Tall Towers (EP)

Built Under Tall Towers

::Ahem::
My Industrious and Talented Daughter, Ariel Rubin (Rel),
Just released a Digital EP of Four Original Songs called Built Under Tall Towers.
No Autotune.
Ariel (Rel) on Piano and Ukulele.
*My* Particular Favorite is “Daughter of Hannibal The Cannibal.”

Built Under Tall Towers (EP)
Rel

She says,
“Sooooo THIS IS A HUGE DEAL. I’m finally releasing my album, Built Under Tall Towers, which is a 4-track EP.
It’s independently developed.
So here’s the deal:
The album is a pay what you want sort of thing,
meaning you COULD pay $100+ if you want.
All proceeds go towards important things (rent, food, living, etc.) and I worked super hard on this.
Thanks and PLEASE SHARE WITH YOUR FRIENDS <3”

  • Digital Album

    Includes high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more. Paying supporters also get unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app.

::Please Make A Note Of It::

https://relr.bandcamp.com/album/built-under-tall-towers-ep

☼Punxsutawney Phil Can Kiss My Ass☼

☼Punxsutawney Phil Can Kiss My Ass☼

::Ahem::
¤ AccuWhatTheFuck¤ Update!!
The Bi-Polish Vortex Continues On Its Merry Way Through The Tri-State Region.
At the Moment we are Smack Dab in the Middle of a Seasonal Weather System that Meteorologists like to call “The Cryosphere”,
Meaning that it is Colder Than A Witch’s Tit and Prone to Spontaneously Producing Glaciers, Ice shelves, Icebergs, and Douchebags.

☼Punxsutawney Phil Can Kiss My Ass☼
☼Punxsutawney Phil Can Kiss My Ass☼

ANOTHER SEVEN INCHES of SNON on the Ground and I’m Skipping the Gym today because The Roads are a Sheet of Ice.
Face It Folks, Another Ice Age Is Upon Us!
(At least *My Body* evidently thinks so.)
Our Bodies believe that Any Day Now, we’ll have Another Ice Age and there won’t be Any More Food, so they Need to Store up Lots of Fat.
So while our Brains are in the 21st Century, forcing us to eat Salads,
Our Bodies are Back in Prehistoric Times, thinking:
“I made Six Ounces of Fat today! Bring on the Glaciers!”
If only we could explain to our Bodies that Times have Changed & they no longer need to make so much Fat.
Of course, I refuse to get on a Scale unless Forced to Do So at Gunpoint.
Why, you may ask?
Or not.
But I’ll tell you anyway.
I’m Allergic to Scales.
The Type that Guess your Weight.
They make me Break Out in Low Self-Esteem.
The last time I got on a Digital Scale was when they did the Mandatory “Wellness” Thing at Work in September.
Yes: My Biometric Screening!
Which of course meant Blood Tests, Blood Pressure, BMI Analysis, and the Utterly Horrific “Getting On The Scale For the First Time in a Year”.
Okay so I *did* tell the Screening Broad that I have at least Five Pounds of Product in My Hair and to take that into account…
Plus Gravity has gotten Stronger due to the Space Dust Thing…
But she made me get on the Digital Scale anyway.
First, the Scale said “Yo! Two of Y’all Are Gonna Have To Get Off!”
Then, when it finally registered,
It read “Volkswagen”.
Gravity Is Not My Friend.
So Evidently I’m the Perfect Weight for My Height, Bone Structure, BMI, and Age.
*If* I Were a 1964 Volkswagen Mini-Bus.
Really.
Bring On The Ice Age!
::Please Make A Note Of It::

Me!
What The Hospital Scale Thinks I Am…