Tag Archives: Vortex

::Ahem::
♫♪♪♫♫♪♪
I don’t want your Fluoride Toothpaste that can Clean my Teeth so Well,♪♫♪
I don’t want your Stupid X-Rays and your Drill can Go to Hell!♪♫♪
But you Think I should be Happy with your Silly Laughing Gas,
While I Ran around your Office,
And Made Myself an Ass.♪♫♪
Silver Teeth and Golden Fillings cannot Mend this Mouth of Mine
And I dare not Drown My Pain
In your Sweet Novocaine.♪♫♪
You can’t Heal my Mouth with Implants
Cause I Can’t afford That Kind,
Silver Teeth and Golden Fillings
Cannot Mend this Mouth of Mine! ♫♪♫
::Please Make A Note Of It::

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Dog Days Of The Bi-Polar Autumnal Vortex

It’s been a bit of a stressful month, dog-wise.
Our Rottweiler, Gunther, was diagnosed with Cancer just after Labor day.
I originally thought he’d had a Stroke, but the vet said those symptoms were due to anemia caused by the Cancer destroying his Red Blood Cells….
He’d lost a lot of weight and had stopped eating.
It was fast and furious, and basically the vet said all we could really do was make him comfortable. He was having his good days and bad days.
Some days he would eat the fresh burgers and chicken my husband would bring home from work (he’s a Chef), and other days he’d clamp his jaws shut and turn away.
The vet did more blood tests, but basically all we could do was wait.
He didn’t suggest putting him down….yet.
He was only 8 years old.
Rotties generally live 9-12 years…
Way too short a Life Span.
My daughter Ariel, who’s had a special bond with him, did not take it well
(she came home from College in Worcester, Massachusetts- a four hour drive- the day after he was diagnosed to say Good-Bye).
Nor did my friends who knew him.
Everyone was very sad.
Ziggy, the Puggle, who is usually an Asshole, would not leave Gunther’s side.
Gunther died on September 27th, *while* we were at my Sister-In-Law’s wedding in NYC.
Earlier that day he’d been rallying, and was trotting around, and later that afternoon ::BOOM::
He just plain dropped dead.
My friend (who’d just lost her Border Collie to Bladder Cancer a month earlier) said, “He made the decision for you!”
(True, at least we didn’t actually have to have him “Put Down”…)
Kukki, the 16 year old Pug who’d been Circling the Drain for the past year or so, dropped dead in the kitchen 3 days later.
Her Timing was Impeccable.
Oh My God poor Weezer (the Boston Terrorist) looked so scared, Ziggy (the Puggle) was actually mourning, and Zero (our 6 month old Labradoodle) was like WTF….?!

Kukki Monster and Gunther, taken August 3rd 2015
Friends Till The End: Kukki Monster and Gunther, taken August 3rd 2015
Zero, Weezer, and Ziggy
Weezer and Ziggy were scared and confused. Zero was like WTF?!

Zero, the Doodle puppy, loved Gunther.
Dogs definitely mourn.
Here’s a picture of Zero taken Saturday October 4th on his Six Month Birthday, which I posted on my Assbook page (He has his own album called “Zero Sez”
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10153731467529367&set=a.10153595312664367.1073741878.611814366&type=3&theater ) with this bio:
(see below)

Zero
Zero Misses Gunther and Kukki

Zero Sez:
::Ahem::
Did you know that I was Born in Virginia Six Months Ago Today??
When I was only Nine Weeks Old,
Daddy drove all the way from New Jersey to meet my Brother and Me!
I chose Daddy to take me Home with him because I thought his Shoelaces were Delicious!
I was really scared at first. The drive was so long! Then, when we finally got here, I met Mommy, (She’s the Alpha-Bitch! Daddy is the Great Hunter!) plus FOUR new BIG Siblings! We became friends really fast.
Now I’m So Big!
But, last week my Big Buddy Gunther left us!
Then, a few days later, Kukki left! This made me confused and sad.
Mommy says they are in Heaven.
I hope Heaven is fun for them.
Now Ziggy and Weezer are my Playmates.
Ziggy was so sad, and Weezer looked so scared when the others went to Heaven, but I think I make them feel better when I chew on their Heads!
Mommy says she Loves Me and won’t let anything bad happen to me ever, even though I ate her Reading Glasses yesterday.
I am being a Good Boy now, and I love my Home!
::Please Make A Note Of It::
 

Dogs Definitely Do Not Live Long Enough.

::Ahem::
Asshole Party Frontrunner,
Billionaire “The Donald” AssHat Trump Lands at Mexican Border.
In Lower Left-Hand Corner, Government Hedgehog Attempts To Locate
The Bloated Megalomaniac’s Miniscule Genitalia Via Ultrasound As Bemused Local Officials Look On.
::Please Make A Note Of It::Asshole 2016

[Photo Courtesy Of The New Yorker]

The Republican Cesspool Of Presidential Candidates Plus One Belly-Flopper

::Ahem::
This Festering Pile Of Shit Who Wants to Own Everything
Is Belly-Flopping Into the Republican Cesspool of Presidential Candidates.
I Maintain that Asshat Trump’s Only Redeeming Quality Is That he Is Indeed,
Like Most Festering Piles of Shit,
Biodegradable.
Except for that Roadkill on his Head.
Every Time the Pompous Megalomaniac Opens That Festering Sewage Trap to Speak,
He Makes himself Less Credible as a Candidate.
Though I must Predict that Between Asshat Trump and Forrest Gump (aka Jeb!),
and the Rest of the Republican Cesspool of Candidates,
The Collective Comedy Writers of the Universe Are Anticipating Electoral Comedy Field Days.
::Please Make A Note Of It::
[Photo Courtesy Of The New Yorker]

[Photo Courtesy Of The New Yorker]
Belly-Flopping Into the Republican Cesspool of Presidential Candidates
[Photo Courtesy Of The New Yorker]

 

POTUS?

SCOTUS? POTUS? SCROTUM? WTF?

::Ahem::
OMG.
WTF.
HFM.
As If ‪#‎Hashtags‬ aren’t Annoying Enough,
What The Actual Fuck is UP with the Current Overuse of ACRONYMS????
Last week, when the Supreme Court ruled Pro-All/Any-Gender-Marriage,
Social Media was Ablaze (and Rightfully So) with Sunshine, Lollipops and Rainbows,
Thanking SCOTUS (Supreme Court Of The United States) and POTUS….!?!
I’m sorry but when I see SCOTUS my *Brain* thinks *Scrotum*.
Although associating the Supreme Court with Ballsacks is not *too* far off base, WHY is the Acronym necessary??
And when someone referred to Obama as POTUS.
Well.
It took me a few moments to figure *that* one out.
I see POTUS and I think, “Weezer (my Boston Terrorist) catches a Baby Potus in the Back Yard at least once a year….”
Dont even get me *started* on what my brain sees when someone types FLOTUS….I *won’t*.
I *like* our First Lady and I think it’s Downright Disrespectful to use such Vulgarity.
Goddamn It!
If you mean something just SAY IT.
Or TYPE IT.
And that’s another thing.
If I see ONE more *Adult* using “U” in a sentence instead of the Actual Word “YOU”,
I am going to reach through Cyberspace and shove a Complete Box Set of Sesame Street down the Offender’s Throat.
::Please Make A Note Of It::
*Tonight’s Rant was Brought to You By HashTag Away….*

Tonight's Rant was Brought to You By HashTag Away....
Tonight’s Rant was Brought to You By HashTag Away….

 

"Fruit flies" by TheAlphaWolf - Own work. Licensed under CC BY 3.0 via Wikimedia Commons - http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Fruit_flies.jpg#/media/File:Fruit_flies.jpg

Sleep, Sex, Fruit Flies, And Mice

::Ahem::
I Stumbled Upon a Study on How Lack Of Sleep Can Affect my Cognitive Abilities, Health and Memory.
It went on to Proclaim That:
“…University of Washington researchers studied the role of sleep in forming long-term memories by using a Special Breed of Fruit Flies that could be Induced to Sleep On Demand.
First, the Male Flies studied in this paper were “trained” by being exposed to other Genetically Engineered Males who released Female Pheromones.
After several courtships and rejections during this training period, some of these Flies were then forced to sleep for four hours.
These Sleepers made no further attempts to court the Engineered Males when exposed to them again — suggesting that sleep had helped form a long-term memory of the earlier deception.
But Flies who didn’t sleep were tricked once more by the same Genetically Engineered Males. The researchers in this study concluded that training alone was not enough to trigger memory consolidation — sleep was a necessary component.”
[So Evidently if I get Enough Sleep, I *may* one day be as Smart as a Fruit Fly.]
And…”Another Preliminary Study from the Washington University School of Medicine found that in Mice, Poor Sleep may be related to Brain Plaques associated with Alzheimer’s.”
So, folks, be sure that your Fruit Flies and Mice get Plenty of Sleep!
Me?
I’ll be awake until 4 or 5AM watching the Science Channel.
::Please Make A Note Of It::

Mouse CPR

Portrait Of An Idiot

Portrait Of An Idiot (Don’t Try This At Home, Kids!)

::Ahem::
I Am So Talented,
I Managed To Give Myself A Black Eye.
See I had This Kind of Pimply-Like Thing Under My Eye…
And it was Really Annoying Me the Other Night….
So I figured I’d Perform Sugery..
Not Successfully.
There’s These Capillaries there you see…
So…
Yes.
I am An Idiot.
But Makeup and Reading Glasses help.
It Also Helps To Be Bi-Polish.
::Please Make A Note Of It::

I am An Idiot.  But Makeup and Reading Glasses help. It Also Helps To Be Bi-Polish.
I am An Idiot.
But Makeup and Reading Glasses help.
It Also Helps To Be Bi-Polish.
Delicious! Tasty!

Gastronomically Incorrect??

::Ahem::
What IS it with the Recent Over-Use of the Words “Yummy” “Yum” and the Ever-Nauseating “Yummmmm”??
I feel like I’m with a communicating bunch of Pre-Schoolers!!
What ever happened to “Delicious” or even “Tasty”?
How about the Ubiquitous “That’s Fucking AWESOME!”?
What are we, Three?
(Of course, Mentally, I’m still Fourteen, but that’s Besides the Point).
Just STAHHHP!
::Please Make A Note Of It::

Easter, Passover, Hollywood, And Irony On The USS Enterprise

::Ahem::
Easter, Passover, Hollywood, and Irony on the USS Enterprise.
Not Necessarily In That Order…
It Goes Kinda Like This:
At some point prior to “The Cage” (Later known as “The Menagerie“–Star Trek TOS), Christopher Robin Pike is promoted to Fleet Captain.
He is severely injured while rescuing several Cadets from a Baffle Plate Rupture on board a J-class Training Vessel, the Delta Ray Radiation leaving him Paralyzed, Mute, Badly Scarred, and Dependent on a Brainwave-Operated Wheelchair.
His only means of communicating is through a Light on the Chair:
One Flash meaning “Yes” and Two Flashes indicating “No”.
But…Wait!
What?
They can Travel at Warp Speed Through Space and Time, yet all they can manage for Captain Pike is a Glorified Hoveround!?!
No Wonder the Son of God quit the Series!
And it was A Good Thing, too!
If Jeffrey Hunter hadn’t quit Star Trek, the character of the SpaceAge-Wheelchair Bound Captain Pike as we know him, and indeed the now famous character of
Captain James Tiberius Kirk played by William Shatner may never have existed.
(Evidently Mr. Hunter was Good Enough to Die for Our Sins but not quite up to the Task of Seducing Green Women.)
The Collective Star Trek Fan Base thanks him for that.
In reality Hunter accepted the lead role of Captain Christopher Pike in “The Cage”, the first pilot episode of Star Trek, but declined to film a second Star Trek pilot requested by NBC in 1965, and decided to concentrate on motion pictures such as Brainstorm.
Ironically, Hunter died of a Cerebral Hemorrhage in 1969.
Three Days Later,
He Arose from the Dead,
Saw a Cute Little Bunny, and
Decided to Hide Brightly Colored Hard Boiled Eggs and Dispense Jelly Beans to the Masses.
Happy Easter!
::Please Make A Note Of It::

"The Menagerie"--Star Trek TOS
They can Travel at Warp Speed Through Space and Time, yet all they can manage for Captain Pike is a Glorified Hoveround!?!